It's A Drag

Supporting friends has never been more amusing...

The Permanent Theme Which Prevails Over All Others Is The Persistence of Desire

You found me

In my dreams
Spanning reality
A vivid clear

Words lingered
Suspended between
Two long lost souls
Passionately entwined
An eternal embrace

I awoke heavy hearted
Thunder beneath my ribs
On the verge of tears

Reality intervenes
As you drift away
Like the ebb of the tide
Returning to sea

The Underwire Fell Out, Again! #&@*!

When I'm angry, I clean like a 1950s housewife. I don't know what it is but there's something therapeutic about scrubbing a bathtub or washing the wall or throwing all my belongings out, while blaring music such as Basement Jaxx, or the likes thereof.

Everything must go.

Everything that's been sitting in drawers, on hangers, collecting dust and taking up space.

I don't fit the wee sparkling dress I wore for Halloween back in '98. What was it now... a dancer from Electric Circus with my partner in crime CJ where I played bass in the basement, danced in the living room and I think I even barfed on the front street and had to be held up and put into the automobile. Fun times. Yeah, that dress should have been sent to goodwill years ago but I'm having a hard time parting with it, only because it makes me laugh. Obviously, at myself.

Gone is all the bathroom junk. The chemicals and parabens that I long ago stopped using, but for some reason kept under the sink. I did decide to keep the Lunapads my sister gave me. Yes, they make those. And no, I've just never been able to go there. But one can always hope for a greener future. Right.

Gone are EVERY pair of holy socks (sorry God) I ever owned and suckered myself into wearing the odd time. I mean, what the hell woman! Let's just face it, there is no time to sit around darning those socks.

Gone are old bras and I've got a serious bone to pick with the inventor of the underwired bra, or whomever is making these half-assed contraptions. Why is it that these underwires eventually find their way out of the bra and into the washer? Is it just me? This is discusting! A perfectly good and sexy bra winds up suffering this fate only to end up stuffed into the bottom of a drawer never to be seen or worn again. I had thirteen in there. THIRTEEN!

And of course, the lie I told myself: I will get around to sewing them back in one of these days. This has got to stop. First of all, the list of things to do "one of these days" keeps growing, along with the list of "shoulds"...and well screw that vocabulary, and all those lists. And secondly, I don't fit that bra I wore in grade 10. In fact, my boobs are so much bigger now.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

SO. MUCH. JUNK.

Why do we keep all this "stuff"?

Our Love Is But A Fire

I just bought Hauntario, the new album by The Wheat Pool, a Canadian indie/alt country band. They are marvelous, and no I'm not bias because they hail from Edmonton - my old hometown & stomping grounds. Something about their music kind of makes me all nostaligic. It's relatable. This is one of those cds that keeps you company on a long drive and never gets old. SO. GOOD.

If our love is but a fire then our hearts must be made of wood...

Mama's Gonna Make All Your Nightmares Come True

Having no children to mother, I can't say that I fully understand the whole motherly instinct thing...and trust me, the ol' bio clock is not ticking. I repeat, NOT ticking. But once in a while, I ponder the idea of this instinctive, protective love.

Driving home one night, I saw in the headlights a mother raccoon and her herd of five babies crossing the highway...I honked my horn in hopes of motivating her to hurry across. I mean, come on now, this is a busy road my dear.

Instead, she stops dead in her tracks in the middle of the road and positions herself in front of her adorable family, arms outstretched as if to say "Back off lady, back the fuck off!"

As I drive by, she moves to keep sheltering her crew all the while staring me down. Of course, she was probably scared out of her wits of this huge loud blinding beast barrelling towards her, so why wouldn't she jump to protect her loved ones?

Still, it was such a beautiful, yet terrifying sight as I attempted to photograph it to my mind in between frantic checks for oncoming traffic. I cursed myself, for my reaction to save them could have in fact sealed their fate. Silly women do silly things at times.

A gal I know recently gave birth. The other day, the scene turned violent as a stranger...yes a STRANGER, decided they would take the baby out of the carseat, without a word. Is that not one of the strangest thing a stranger could do? It was a 'harmless' event, kind of like those funny people coochiecooing a baby in a cart at the grocery market or when that crazy senior greets you by pinching your cheeks. But to the mother, as the maternal instinct kicks in, she is genetically programmed to protect and defend at all costs. Luckily, everyone survived.

Last night, somebody decided it would be a good idea to hang my cat upside down. It took every ounce of strength to stop me from pummeling the sob. I mean, what are you trying to do - kill my cat? All the blood is rushing to his small head and his enlarged pupils clearly indicate he is very afraid. I don't care if you thought it would be funny, or that it was something to do on a Monday night. Clearly, you are in need of a hobby and my cat is in need of some bodyguards. Or perhaps I overreacted. It happens.

I just really love my cat.

So I understand, at least a little bit... what goes on when you feel as though your "baby" is threatened, even when he, she or they may not be.

After the fact, it is at least mildly amusing.

I'm A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One

So a new year has begun, again. As I drink some more Baileys, I tell myself I'd come up with a few resolutions. I tell myself all sorts of things. Yes, I want to create more art and music, and get healthier and wiser and do all the same things I want to do every year. They are just part of the lifetime to do list. Still it's kind of exciting turning the page into a new year. A new year with unforseen adventures and possibilities. And blah blah blah.

I'm focused on making it feel more like home here on this beautiful rainy island. It might not be my home for life, but its my home for life right now. I want to come home to a place I adore. A place that feels real and all homely and cozy. I want to have kindred spirits over and cook turkeys and pour wine and laugh and dance. I am keeping a lookout for a larger space in a more central location...but will know when the time is right. I know that you cannot live in the past, and I know for sure that you cannot live in two provinces at once. You can visit, but you need a place where you can call your own. I am tired of being torn in half and not certain of where I stand. So this is my promise to myself to get off the fence. That fence is poking me in the ass. I will land on solid ground. On my own two big feet.

I am watching The Family Man right now. It's an oldie but goodie. The man who gets a glimpse into what his life would have been like, if he had made a different choice. And a look into the things that really matter. It's kind of sad really. But at least, in the end he was able to make another choice and change his future. I wonder if things could really be that simple. Some things are I suppose, if we can see it.

I wonder if I really would have made different choices. Alright, a few. Mostly no...as who would I be now? But more importantly, I wonder what kind of choices I will make. How do you know what the right choice is? What will I choose? What will you choose?

Choices are to be made. They will define the future. And the future looks bright.

The future is not some mediocre existence where we are settling for each other because it's easy or because it's too much work to do something different. And we're too afraid to do anything about it. It's a future where we will decide to live our best life. And if we do choose to be with someone, it will be with someone who makes us a better person. Someone who pushes us to grow, to change, to explore, to love, to sacrifice without sacrificing who we are, to understand and to live. Someone "strong enough to be our champion"...as someone wise I know once put it. Thank the sun and the moon for putting incredible people in our paths. All of them.

What will I do? Where will I be? Who will I be with? Will I marry? Will I have babies? Will they grow up to be successful and passionate about their own lives? Will I grow old with someone I adore, who adores me just the same? Or will I settle for someone I can tolerate, and vice versa? As so many people do these days. What kind of sick and twisted life would that be? No, it is not enough!

What will we do with our lives? With our 2010. 2011. 2012. Nothing changes but the number, unless we choose to change it. So I'm choosing to change it. To figure out what needs changing. What can stay, what can go. But that's about it really.

Oh yes, and my final resolution is to eat all the freaking chocolate I want when I want. Because this is my life and I'm choosing to not restrict myself to one of it's finest indulgences any more.

All within moderation, of course.

Portraits of a Lady

"Subconsciously or not, the figures I paint are a reflection of myself and whatever mood I am in at the time, so every painting is in essence a self-portrait." ~ Lori Earley

Lori Earley is a New York artist and I must say, I like her style...

Belladonna

The Parting

Angela

Drained

Regret

Ms. V

loriearley.com

Skating Around The Frozen Pond

Ah, Christmastime. How I adore thee. I love the fact that I can play Christmas carols for an entire month, drink Gingerbread lattes (pure heaven in a cup), and walk along a street lit up with bright twinkling lights and crunchy white snow....though rain seems to be the norm here on the West Coast. It makes me appreciate the snow even more. What I wouldn't give right now to go skating outdoors at Hawrelak Park. I reminisce. There's something insanely romantic about holding hands under the moonlit sky and gliding around.

I love the fact that my neighbour up the street put up the tree in November. I love that there is a fuschia Christmas tree sitting in the window of a downtown store. It was there last year, and still there it is. Who wants a fuschia tree? I love that this season brings out the heart of people. There's more laughter, more giving. I'm moved by stories of strangers doing something kind for another without expecting anything in return, even something simple as recognition.

The only thing I don't love, is the insanity. After yet another year of this, I'm tempted to spend next year on a ski hill in Banff, in a lodge with a huge fireplace and room service. Just escape all of the hustle and bustle and noise of the city. Just relax, enjoy and reflect on the year past and the year ahead. It's easy to get caught up in the madness of the season. The impatient drivers. The crazy shoppers. Yes, the rude ones who forget manners and joy as they rush around for last minute gifts. These situations bring out the worst in me, if I allow it. But I don't want to be that person. Just because someone is an ignorant bastard to me, doesn't mean I should be one in return, does it.

Have yourself a happy non-specific seasonally correct interdenominational pseudo holiday festive occasion.

In other words,

Merry Christmas.

Extreme Storm Surgin'

Now here's a sport I think I can do...too.

Changing the way you look at the world. I like that. I like the entire concept. No two people have the same experiences. We are restricted to our own consciousness. Confined by our paradigms. We need to break out of these molds and live.

Live fully.

Life is short. We need reminders, because so often we forget. To look and see the world and experience the moments it offers. Dare. Dream. Laugh. More importantly, laugh at yourself. Give. Give to the world, your heart, your soul, your voice ~ in whatever way which makes sense to you. BE. Be brave. Be who you are. Be different. Be present. Be open to new ideas. Be willing to run, to leap and land on our feet or fall flat on our face. We need to have more faith in ourselves and more faith in others. Because we get each other through. We need to live a life congruent to our values, ideals and dreams. To never cease to wonder. To imagine what will be. To see all possibilities, when no one else will.

This is nothing new. But it never grows old.

Think about it.

This is your life.

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

We make tools for these kinds of people.

While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

~ Steve Jobs