Time Travel

I am only a woman. A living-breathing-feeling-hot-blooded woman. How can I escape these crazy thoughts...this crazy mind. That thinks this way and is driven to act most ridiculously. There is one thing for certain: I am a BIG FLIRT. There is no cure for this disease. At least, not yet.

It really doesn't help when an old flame from twelve years ago looks you up online and his gay friend also sends you a message saying 'he' was looking for 'you'... I mean, what is that? Where did this come from? It never went anywhere back then, so why is it coming up now? Years later? Unfinished business? A question of what-if? Or just purely what-is?

He was a drummer with a pony-tail. I pretended to play the flute. We flirted through high school band class and he made me blush like a tomato. (Apparently I still haven't out grown the whole tomato thing) We didn't date. We were never a couple. We never did more than make out like idiots. He shoved ice-cold slush down my shirt as we wrestled in the winter snow, shit-faced and face-washed, drowning my glow-blue-in-the-dark watch. That was a great watch by the way, and I'm still pissed about it.

We end up chatting as if there were no time lapse in between. Two big flirts. One chatty box. This could only mean trouble. Double-trouble.

I went to bed feeling strangely rejuvenated and woke up wondering why in hell I opened that can of worms.

This guy brings out my dark side and is driving me to drink. I'm still an ass. Still a flirt. Still know how to push those buttons. Still "Trouble". Will that ever change?

Though looking back on my life thus far... and should I ever have a chance to jump in a time-machine...I probably would have done things a little differently... maybe have skipped a few and focused on the one who was truly important.

I'm all strung out, my heart is fried.

Let's Make Out

Images by Julia Randall in coloured pencil

Strong As The Roots Of A Big Old Gum Tree

"Emphasis placed on the body and mind... as the heart is often somewhere behind...and it's strange"

This is, without a doubt, my favourite song right now. Kind of makes me all sentimental and such.

Turbans, Fezzes, Plaids, Bones & Flesh

"Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning.

Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days.

When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court."

~ Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings.

OMG

Usher, you can love me down, break me down... even if you're not shirtless.

A Three-Legged Dog Day Afternoon

While hustling around my usual neighbourhood loop yesterday - tunes cranked, the sun warming my white legs, enjoying the early "everybody's still asleep" kind of Saturday morning - I came upon a three-legged Shepherd sniffing grass at the end of a driveway. He was so cute and I had a sudden notion to pick him up, toss him over my shoulders, gallop back to the house where we would be good friends and live happily ever after. Of course, I realized the error of my thinking ...1) I don't have the space for a dog right now, 2) my cat would probably tear his other three legs off and 3) he probably lives there and is taken care of by really nice people. So I carried on and that was that.

Later that afternoon, I noticed a post on a page that said to keep an eye out for a three-legged Shepherd that was spooked by guns at a firing range and went missing 2 weeks ago in Chemainus - which is about 35km from where I was contemplating the dognapping. 35km? A long shot, especially for a dog missing it's front leg. But 2 weeks ago? He could have made it up here, hobbling along. I mean, it's far, but not that far.

With this thought in mind, I was on the phone in a flash...however, after a few moments of trying to verbalize my excitement and the man on the other end trying to contain his own, we came to the conclusion that it probably wasn't the right dog. One was missing the back left leg, and the other, the front left leg. We discussed the absurdity of the situation...two very similar dogs, black, Shepherd, with brown legs, in the same vicinity and both of which who were missing a leg. I mean, what are the chances?! I told him I'd have another look and we hung up, hopeful yet disappointed.

Driving around the neighbourhood was futile. I considered soliciting houses of random strangers in hopes of finding this three-legged dog, but I was already running late for dinner. After asking everyone there if they knew of any such dogs in the neighbourhood, I found out that there was indeed a three-legged dog living at the very house I passed that morning.

Such is life.

I hope they find their dog.

Forgive Me For Laughing

Well what an interesting way to start the day! Long lost 'sisters in christ', whom I've never even met or heard of, are moving out to the island and hunting me down! What do I have to do, move to Venus?

1. I'm a bit curious as to what on earth the aforementioned ladies in Edmonton would be talking about these past few years. I must have my picture on a wall under a big sign that says: "Fallen Members Non-Members"...."The Evil-Doers"..."The Devil's Children"... "These Lost Sheep Must Be Found"..."Do Not Talk To These Sinners, Pray For Them Instead!"..."They Once Were Saved, But Now Must Be Found!"...

2. Which one of you quacks are giving out my number? Call display. 'Nuff said.

3. How very interesting indeed. Interesting that you would say it's interesting to see my name on Facebook when clearly both my sisters...who by the way have no recollection of meeting you or giving you my number, so you must have meant my other sister (in christ) ...are on it AND now that I think about it... a bunch of people from that very same circle as well. Which raises the question...

4. Should I, or shouldn't I remove all contacts from said "holier-than-thou, hypocritical, backward-thinkin' patriarchal nonsense of a fundamentalistic cult?" when most, if not all, are people I have shared many deep conversations, much laughter, joy and a part of my life which has led me to be the person I am today. And who I really did consider to be genuine 'friends' of the more liberal sort, in this case. Not "that other type". Tough call. Because at the same time, I wonder if these so-called friendships are conditional... the remaining fragment of a hope that I will eventually find my way back to 'the light'. If that is the case, then what on earth is the point? And what about the idea of surrounding yourself with positive people who love, uplift, inspire, support, encourage and motivate you to be a better person? No hidden agendas. No gossiping about what somebody is doing "wrong"... what are they doing right?

Now that I've had my little rant, and some time to think about it...I have come to the realization that this person who contacted me through facebook is only doing what she believes is right. I believe it is from the heart. A naive and perhaps a lost-a-bit-herself kind of heart but still, a heart. I can appreciate where it is coming from because once upon a time, I was there myself.

But I finally saw the light.

To Die On A Treadmill

Will Smith at his finest. Not only is he handsome, he's got brains AND heart to boot:

You don't try to build a wall.
You don't set out to build a wall.
You don't say I'm going to build
the biggest baddest greatest wall
that's ever been built.
You don't start there.
You say, I'm going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.
You do that every single day and soon you have a wall.