Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Pregnant Women Pee 'A Lot'

The Trews, travelling all the way across the country from Antigonish, Nova Scotia (at least this is where they started out 'in the beginning'), graced us with an incredible acoustic show here in Nanaimo last night. They have a new album out, Friends & Total Strangers. Did I mention that I love musicians from the East Coast? They just breathe so much life into their lyrics & melodies. It was a thrill to hear these guys live, for sure. I hope they come back.

Unfortunately, the one song I wanted to capture (Locked Doors) was interupted half-way by the pregnant gal up the aisle who needed to get by on her trip to the loo for the tenth time! Ahhhh...C'est la vie!

Daniel Wesley opened for them. He's got some funky songs, I like his style. He hails from the little city of White Rock, BC, just across the water... We're practically neighbours. I should bake him some Nanaimo bars. The stage looked a whole lot bigger at the Port. iPods aren't very good for recording are they...

Good tune:

where will i go now
the life i knew is gone
someway and somehow
we all keep moving
on and on and on and on
tonight, tonight c'mon and
set me free from yesterday
and all it's haunted memories
but now it's closing time
and i don't wanna leave
i can't stop laughing,
i'm not even happy

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Six Shillings A Dozen

How I get from point A to point B is an unsolved mystery, but there sure is a ton of random information out there.

What started out as a simple perusal of recipes ended with a rather strange, yet minutely amusing piece of entertainment: The Flea Circus (See it for yourself, right here)

I've heard of all kinds of sideshow acts, but this one kind of threw me in a loop. Only because I've seen the damn things falling off my cat, which by the way was beyond discusting. However, thanks to modern medicine I had Revolution on him in no time and they all died suddenly a few hours later. Not to mention the fact, that this week I had to personally pull a big fat tick off my cat with tweezers. These have since been sterilized. Bugs belong outside, no? Apparently, it's the time of year when they all want in. I still have night terrors.

So why the hell would I want to see them playing football and hauling heavy shit around?!

Interestingly enough, this has been going on for a while. Since the 1800s. Back then, fleas were common, so tracking them down for shows was quite easy. As hygiene improved over the years - they were harder to come by and cost six shillings a dozen. During shortages, a single flea even cost two shillings! Here I pay to get them the hell out of my cat, and these buggars pay them to put on a show. Nonsense.

Handbills of an exhibition of performing fleas, 1820:

To train the fleas not to jump, they are put in a jar with a lid for three days. After this, they jump no higher than the height of the lid.

The fleas are harnessed, so to not escape and ruin the show...

1891 description of the harnessing procedure:
The flea is taken up gently, and a noose of the finest 'glass-silk' is passed round his neck, and there tied with a peculiar knot. The flea, unfortunately for himself, has a groove or depression between his neck and body, which serves as a capital hold-fast for the bit of silk. (Buckland, 1891, p. 119)

Fleas can also be glued to things to give the illusion of a performance... For instance, to the floor of the circus enclosure. Instruments are then glued to the flea performers and the enclosure is heated. The fleas fight to escape giving the impression of fleas playing musical instruments.

Lucky for performing fleas, they don't live very long. And with cruelty such as this, it's a miracle PETA isn't after them. Or are they? I don't know, do you?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Want Your Psycho, Your Vertigo Stick

I have decided that I really, really dig this video. She's ridiculous. Love the costumes, the shoes, the Thriller references, the harpischord, that cute cat, the moves, the eyes, the sexy, the creepy... what don't I love...

And well, it just... fits.

Ra-ra ah-aahh-ahh
Ro-ma ro-ma-maaah

You and mE could wriTe a bad romance...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Particularly Leather

I'm looking for a sofa, loveseat and big ol' comfy chair. I've been looking for a while and it's proving to be a challenge. Particularly when you're particular. There's very few things I'm actually fussy about, but this I admit is one of them. It has to be leather and when I say leather I mean the good stuff. Soft, warm, and cozy.

I want a hide with a personality. Wrinkles, stretch marks, brand marks, insect bites and run-ins with barbed wires, fence posts and raging bulls. That cow should have led a full life.

My current obsession is Restoration Hardware, they have some charming furniture. Dream with me why don't you... You might find something you like.

Lancaster sofa...

The Drake Barrelback chair...

I'm not asking for much, only that it outlasts these 18th century beauties:

(most people put these in the living room)

Some fun facts about leather:

It's the strongest upholstered material known to man & womankind.

To test if it's quality leather, lightly scratch the leather. If it scratches easily and leaves a lighter mark, it's probably the good stuff.

A sofa consists of a bunch of hides which compliment each other, but are not identical.

Quality leather does not get hot in the summer and cold in the winter. That's a myth! The pores in the leather allow it to breathe & adjust to its environment.

Over time, leather develops a "patina" - like a well-worn Baseball glove, giving it that vintage weathered look. Character. Like crows feet and laugh lines.

If you're lost for days and happen to be wearing leather shoes, put em in your mouth & suck em. The leather has nutritional value & will sustain you for a while. (It's true, I've tried it)

Leather is not just for furniture!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jesus Goes To The Porn Convention

Good Lord. I've sinned AGAIN! Well by the time I finish this post I will have. Don't worry, I've got confession tomorrow.

I've been biting my tongue on this one for a while, but it keeps rearing its head and I have a disorder. It's called 'Being unable to shut up when it comes to matters involving religion in which one finds amusing, confusing and/or sillynosis'. Any Christian man or woman who is engaging in sexual immorality of any kind is a person in conflict. Are you in conflict? XXXChurch is here to help!

Founded in 2002 by Craig Gross (who according to the website, Gross & the xxxchurch believe what Billy Graham believes- which I find a bit curious, as wouldn't "most Christians" say something along the lines of what God teaches, or what the Bible says, right off the bat? Isn't God the focus? Anyway, minor detail. The Great Billy Graham beliefs can be found here), XXXChurch is "designed to bring awareness, openness and accountability to those affected by pornography".

So what this means, is a team of Jesus-lovin' individuals will show up at your next porn event - such as the Vancouver Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show, handing out bibles and spreading the good news that Jesus loves them no matter what their involvement in porn, to help those addicted and offer advice to those who are merely tempted. Because we all know, watching porn here and there, livening up your sex life with some toys or whatnots, or heaven-forbid fantasizing while you masterbate is going to lead to a full blown addiction, or better yet, a trip to hell.

Don't get me wrong, I think this whole idea of an outreach for individuals who are indeed struggling is okay, but what the hell, why not set your booth up outside the doors, and mingle with the rest of the church folk, where you're not infringing on the rights of porn-friendly people, and you can feel safe knowing your eyes will not wander to the scantily clad bimbo's booty as she passes by (a sin!) or ponder the use of a rainbow dildo on display at the next booth over (a sin!)... I mean really...

This is a billion dollar industry, world-wide. It's not going anywhere. Sure, maybe you need to secure your computer so your 12 year old isn't watching it, and seek counselling if you're spending all day in front of the screen or the credit card company is after you to pay back the money you spent renting every movie at the adult video store. And yeah, if you are a woman tired of being degraded and trying to get out of the industry, by all means contact this church.

But it is what it is.

Some people like sex, others like sex toys, and some even like sex with the same sex.. (sin! sin! sin!) Some people like tattoos, which according to various religious groups is basically a sin and often results in a quote from Leviticus: "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos." So is there a TattooChurch out there somewhere, sending out their drones for the tattoo and body art conventions?

I just say let people be people.

Craig Gross takes on Ron Jeremy in the Great Porn Debate (more vids under xxxchurch)

Jesus goes to the porn convention!
(the absurdity of it all)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Angry Man of Jazz

Charles Mingus was a GOD. To this day he is my idol and in my past life I was his F-hole.

This month at the National Jazz Museum in Harlem, Mingus is being featured. What I wouldn't do to go to the Jazz Mecca of New York... Midtown Manhattan...Birdland...Harlem...Carnegie Hall. Where the likes of Mingus, Coltrane, Theolonius Monk, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald and other greats let loose their musical fury.

Mingus was a hot-headed bassist, composer, and pianist, known for his combativeness, both on and off stage. He strove to create unique music to be played by unique musicians and took his music seriously. At one gig at Birdland in 1955, after Charlie Parker had arrived late, and then left again after seeing the pianist Bud Powell so drunk he could barely stay on the piano bench...and then a second eruption involving an argument between Parker and Powell (who eventually stormed off the stage) over the next tune... Mingus told the crowd: "Please don't associate me with any of this. This is not jazz. These are sick people!" Despite his outbursts, Mingus was a musical genius, and a legend in the history of Jazz.

This man's music puts my soul at ease. All I need is him plucking his bass, as I tap my toes, sip on some Merlot and listen...

Without further ado...
Turn that fucking mic on

And in case you were wondering how to teach your cat some manners, as Mingus did so with his own cat Nightlife, try the Charles Mingus Cat Toilet Training Program

Monday, November 2, 2009

One Foot In Front Of The Other

She listens to the whispers of her soul and follows them where they lead....

Upon arriving home from work today, I found a lovely surprise in the mailbox. I was so ecstatic I did the Charleston.

My sister Little C, sent me an inspirational card. The message was just perfect for where I'm at & need to be going. It was a message on dreams. Funny girl, she sent a yellow balloon along with it. However, I refuse to blow it up because then it would eventually deflate to a sad pile of crinkly lemon rubber and I would have to throw it in the trash, and I cannot do such a thing. So the balloon now sits on the card which sits on my desk, next to my latest vision board where I can sit and stare at it all day and dream up some more dreams.

Curious, how the arrival of things are always well-timed. Sisters have an innate sense of this, I'm sure. There have been so many of these happenings, all over this canvas of life, that they are hard to ignore. I used to credit this to divine Providence, back in my God-days (the good old days). Now, I'm not sure what it is. A force to be reckoned with for sure...

It's amazing how the littlest things, the simplest acts of love & kindness, can bring you so much joy.

What brings you joy?