Thursday, April 30, 2009


Last evening, I just had to lie down. Intending on a quick-pick-me-up, I fell into the bed like nobody’s business almost salivating at the mere thought of it. I fluffed my thirty-five (for-the-price-of-eleven-good-deal-I-say-to-myself) dollar pillow, curled up comfortably wrapped, closed my eyes and took a deep breath… only to throw it out like unwanted take out… because low and behold the television was squealing at me from the other room. Damn. I grabbed the other pillow and slammed it over my head to drown out the noise pollution, only to find my mind rambling incessantly on, singin’ it’s songs… and I just could not turn it off. So long my beloved R&R.

Don’t you hate that?

Despite not actually sleeping, I did just lie there for a while so I think it did the trick, at least physically. But I was thinking about noise and sounds and the fact that every single moment of every single day lately, at least in my world, is taken up by some kind of background serenade or inner-babble (solve this, fix that, decide this, plan that) or awkward “fill-the-silence-with-bullshit-conversation-kind-of-moments” (you know, like that cashier who asks the same question to the same customers, expecting the same reply and getting the same question back and replying with the same answer)………and so on. I’m just not in the mood for it right now.

Even now, as I sit here by myself, without the usual distractions of television, music, talking… I still hear the perpetual hum of this refrigerator and the stomping overhead and the settling of these new walls and I am finding myself more and more irritated by it all, and I still cannot stop this mind from its ranting. At work, at home, outside, inside……….

I have come to the realization that I need some peace and quiet…and soon. I need to evict some skeletons, finish some projects; just clear out some head space, take a step back, shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share the silence. I am longing for it, yearning for it, ready to sell my soul for it. I’m ready for it! Bring it!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Can't Love Be Like That?

Call me a dreamer. An idealist. A hopeless romantic. “Such a girl” He says. (“Yeah? So what!” she says). Typical ridiculous sentimental me. But it is so true. I am a hopeless dreamer and there is no cure for this insatiable madness besides a bowl of steaming popcorn and a good chickflick, though this is only a temporary high. Inevitably, all good things come to an end (or so I've heard)…and I would really be in trouble, if I actually spent all of my time lost in a world that just does not exist. There I said it. But it doesn’t mean I want to believe it. And it still does not erase the fact that I spend “most” of my time lost in this world that apparently just does not exist. But why can’t it? Why can’t love be like the movies?

You know, I have been thinking about it a lot. Real people (real, living, breathing, people) come up with these magical stories…these fabulously-moving, pull-on-your-heartstrings kind of movies, the passion… the romance…the true love, soul-mate kind of fluffy mushy girly stuff… that just gets me every, single time, no matter how many times I relive them as if they were me.

So my question is: why is this not happening in “real life”? Am I missing something here? Am I missing out? No. It’s just not possible. But here I am. And here it goes. I guess I am just going to have to live with this, for now(!) and in the meantime, eat a lot of steamin' popcorn.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Green Is Sexy

Why sexy? Because being informed is sexy. Being responsible is sexy. Being eco-friendly is sexy. Making a difference is sexy. Green is sexy.

And of course, so is the site those words came from! Green is sexy is a chic enviro site, dedicated to making big impact with small changes. They have a bunch of smart Tips, yummy Recipes, and some good-lookin’ Books to cuddle up with on a rainy West Coast day.

Not to mention, it's kind of cool to see celebs out there doing great things for the environment and inspiring others to do the same. Rachel McAdams. You know, from one of The BEST Movies of All Time... (The Notebook, if you haven't already guessed).

Walk and touch peace every moment.

Walk and touch happiness every moment.

Each step brings a fresh breeze.

Each step makes a flower bloom.

Kiss the Earth with your feet.

Bring the Earth your love and happiness.

The Earth will be safe when we feel safe in ourselves.

Kiss the Earth by Thich Nhat Hanh

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Damn, damn the circumstance

“My mistakes are taunting me
And I’m hanging around in my old haunts…”

Try as I might, I cannot ignore this incredible wrenching knot in the pit of my stomach. I thought I was on a roll there for a while…getting on, getting by, and as my mother always sings in her theatrics: “Que sera sera”. What else are you supposed to do when it's clear there's nothing you can do - it's up to fate, or time, or the Gods, whomever, whatever. But, I thought wrong. It was all a façade - a temporary lull in this ridiculous, insatiable, undeniable madness and all it took was a slight push in the right wrong direction. My thoughts, my mind, my body, my soul and my heart are consumed once again. I have no idea where to go from here…Sometimes I wish I could go back in time…revisit my old self, smack her upside the head, and say: just what were you thinking girl? But this is no way to live: regretting action, inaction, and wishing for impossible things. It is just not healthy, and it takes over if you let it. Maybe that’s what I’ve gone and done. But craters in hearts are hard to fill…

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Can't Go Wrong With Nina

Nina Simone. God I just adore her. High Priestess of Soul. Jazz Extraordinaire. Legendary Icon. Her music sets my soul ablaze…The rawness, the power, the sensuality. Her voice caught & reeled me in the very first time I heard her singing and I have been madly in love ever since. She sings to me when I need her, lifting me up and providing some ever needed inspiration…

Enjoy coolcats...