Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

There came a time when the name no longer fit.
The person who once was, is no more.
Like a well-worn, faded pair of favourite jeans
finally tossed in the trash,
kicked to the curb.

I believe that is what happened here.

To new beginnings... and old jeans.

One Month Down, a Lifetime to Go!

Today, I am celebrating a ONE MONTH MILESTONE of consistent running.  A month may not be a long time in the land of running and elite marathoners, but for this gal - it is an achievement to be proud of.  I am literally astounded at my body; what it has done and will do for me.  Improvements are already noted in my lung capacity, leg power and overall wellbeing. The scale hasn't moved much, but my clothes are loose-fitting and I see changes all around.  I am even sleeping better at night.

MC and I meet Monday and Wednesday (or Thursday) evenings in the neighbourhood and Saturday mornings at a nearby lake. I know one thing for sure: having a fierce and dedicated woman next to you as your feet pound the trails is super motivating. In the beginning, if I felt even a slight hint of "I don't feel like it" coming on, just knowing that I had someone to meet was enough of a kick out the door. I did not want to let her down! It has since evolved into a realization that I don't want to let myself down either!

Running has completely opened up my mind, body and soul; breathing new life into my every cell.

I am starting to fight myself: some of the days in between I am just itchin' to go for a run, but I must refrain for I know the importance of rest days. In the past, I have fallen victim to the "run too much, too soon and lose interest"; scoring myself some shin splints, excruciating pain in both knees, and a general dislike of running because "it hurts too much"! Easing into it the last thirty days, I am noticing my muscles and joints have adjusted well and continue to perform as they should. I will up the mileage and run days gradually when the time is right.

 

Tried & true keys to my success thus far:

1. Having a positive running partner with similar attitude, goals and running style... mutual encouragement.

2. Being present & finding my rhythm. Focus on my breathing...in through the nose, out of the mouth....listening...the steady rhythm of my lungs as air moves in and rushes out.... instead of the noticing the feeling of my heavy legs that want to cave, or the aching in my left hip on uneven trails. Find your rhythm. For MC, it is the pounding of her feet on the ground. Interesting, we all have these focal points that we may or may not even be aware of. They work!

3. Being constantly aware of what is going on in my mind and nipping ANY inner negative self-talk or self-doubt at the bud. Counteracting them with positive statements & affirmations. "I can"..."I am"... The power of the mind is huge. HUGE! Really working on the inner talk and self in general. Life is really too short to be anything but positive and do anything but continuously improve and grow and experience...on all levels. Strive, seek, find.....do....be. Embrace the positive: love, gratitude, hope, peace, awe and all those other important aspects of the one life we are given to really LIVE. Live a life of value to yourself and others.

What's next.... incorporating a weight training program, cleaner eating and my reward after a tough run tonight:

Kale & Berry Protein Shake

1/2 c fresh Kale

1/4 c raspberries

1/4 c blueberries

1 banana

1 c water

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

Blend & enjoy.

Working Out Is The Best Form Of Therapy

Things have definitely changed for the better. I have more energy, more clarity and it finally feels like I am "getting my shit together", in all areas of my life. I have found my innermost self, buried beneath the rubble. She is fierce and powerful. I have begun digging her out. It is a slow process. There are heavy stones to unearth, twisted amongst the roots but I am making progress and progress is key.

Some "Aha!" moments and things I've grasped lately have made a huge impact on my commitment and motivation to a healthy life:

1. Create a vision. What do you want to achieve? Dig deep and figure it out. Only you know what that is. It has nothing to do with anyone else, you are doing this for you. It might not even be clear at first, but that's where the digging comes in. Search that soul and come up with an answer. This is the starting place to which everything else aligns.

2. Find a mantra for when the going gets tough. Because it will get tough! Mentally and physically. And you will want to quit! When your muscles are a blazing inferno, your lungs are about to burst, and you think you can do no more, remember it is your mind who runs the ship. The mind and body are a strong beast together. Remind it. Don't stop reminding it! "No pain, no gain!"

3. Figure out what or who inspires you and put them up where you can see it as a constant reminder. I've turned my fridge into a canvas of motivation with Erin Stern and Monica Brant, and of course Arnold Schwarzenegger... my top three, along with my fitness schedule. Not only does seeing this everyday remind me of my goals and make me want to workout, it also makes me think twice about what I am fueling my body with. It really does work!


4. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it! No excuses. There's 24 hours in each day and you will find a way to make the time, if it is something that you really want. My plan is a 3-day split, which I repeat so I'm working every muscle group twice a week. Sundays are my day off and I take another day off of cardio as well, usually Friday. I found I have been able to do it by easing into it. You do what you can and build upon it. Start with 1 set instead of 3. Do 8 reps instead of 12. Do two exercises for each body part, or five. Whatever works for that day, do it. The main point is to stick to your schedule and build up the intensity at your own pace.


4. Arnold's New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding. This book is a huge source of inspiration, motivation and really, really good information with personal insights and tips from the Austrian Oak himself. Not to mention some really sweet bodybuilding pictures! Holy crap, I couldn't put it down. Read this book cover to cover, over and over.


5. Everything I can do at the gym, I can do at home. I can work all my muscle groups with dumbells, a Body Bar, an exercise ball and my own body weight. Reasons working out at home rocks:

• Save money every month on a gym pass
• Workout when you want for as long as you want
• No waiting for equipment
• No going out in the freezing cold (cold=big time demotivator!)
• Use the time you would use to commute to the gym for something productive
  
• Listen to the tunes you want without having to blast your iPod over the music and risk going deaf
  
• No chance of forgetting your panties or shampoo and lugging around giant gym bags
  

6. Jillian Michaels. These workout dvds kick ass! You know you're getting a good workout when every single inch of your body feels like it is about to explode.
7. Fitness is a way of life. Yes I have goals, but when I reach them it's not like I can just stop working out and eat whatever I want and that's it. I am going to have to commit to this for life. I'm either in or out, all or nothing.

8. Burpees. I have learned to love them! They are genius. "Burpees, guys", as Funk Roberts says so himself.



9. Connect with like-minded people. Having someone to share progress with is an awesome source of encouragement! My sister and uncle are my biggest motivators. Both of them are committed to the same lifestyle and goals. True, we have our own vision of where we'd like to be, but ultimately we are working toward a healthy life - both in mind and in body.

10. Listen to your body. There's no way I could have kept going with this, had I not figured this one out. I've tried and failed so many times, starting and stopping and never achieving my goals. I finally realized that the reason I kept failing is because I wasn't listening. Once I started listening and allowing myself to do this in the way I need to do it, my entire approach changed. Rather than punishing myself, I am embracing myself. If I just don't have the energy that day to do the entire workout, I do half. If I need a rest day, I take it and make up for it the next day. If I want a coffee in the morning, I have it. If I want chocolate, I have that too. All within reason of course. If I am eating clean the majority of the time, the "treats" are not going to matter. If I am eating compulsively, I start to explore my emotions, what is really going on and try to find healthier solutions. Doing it this way, I'm finding my cravings have nearly diminished and I don't have any negativity surrounding my progress. There's no room for it! There's no guilt. There's no beating myself up over small indulgences or failing to meet unrealistic expectations I've created for myself...and getting frustrated with my "lack of control" or "lack of commitment". I am committed and it is an amazing shift in perspective.

Breathe

If Not Now When

I do alot of "talking." Some would have different ideas on this statement. Those who know me well, would likely agree. I "talk" about all I want to do, to change, to achieve. A new idea, a new goal, a new area of interest. I talk about all the decisions I want, or need to make...and should I do this, or that, and is it better to go this way or that way. Yes, indeed, I have rambled on for quite some time now... My mind is an unattended zoo and I am the monkey swinging from tree to tree.

When it comes right down to the barebones of it: I need more discipline. Self-discipline. I say no more of this half-starting, half-finishing, half-living that I do so well. No more humming and hawing. I've had enough of myself.

Maybe, subconsciously this all started the other day I watched Karate Kid... the seemingly pointless & laborious chores beginning Daniel's lessons with Mr. Miyagi which led to the desired outcome of winning the championship, beating his enemies and ultimately finding himself in the process. Eventually. He had to shine the cars and paint both sides of the fence first.

I have noticed myself wanting to do something, picturing the results I want to get out of it, planning... but "not really" wanting to put in the effort required to achieve these results...the end goal...the desired outcome.

Like wanting to work out in the mornings... I set my alarm early enough for a run pretty much every night. Morning comes, the alarm goes off and I convince myself not to go because it's warmer under the covers, or I'm still tired or it's dark outside or "I'll go after work." It's this constant battle with myself to not do something that I actually want to do.

I become lazy, distracted, uninterested and start making excuses or doing other things. Even worse, when it comes to decisions, I am giving into emotions like fear... fear of the change, the unknown... fear of making mistakes, messing up... fear of doing it wrong or not being good enough. Feeling rather than thinking realistically. So many things left unfinished. Long lists of "to-dos." Loose ends.

Such a simple concept...to "achieve" one must "do", but it requires great effort and determination... and consistently great effort and determination.

When it suits me, I can put in the effort. What I need to do, is get over this "when it suits me" bit. Self-discipline means sacrifice. Sacrificing what may be more desirable at the time and doing what's difficult but brings the most satisfaction in the end. Sacrificing what you feel for what you think. What you feel in one moment for what you think about your life...what do you want, what's important... what matters most.

I want less random and more routine. Less doing it tomorrow and more today. Less later and more now. Though I'm not entirely sure of what I really want these days, I do know that I want to finish what I start... and get off the fence.

You give yourself away

"Go get what you want"

That's what the magicman said at the end of our conversation. He told me to write it on the bathroom mirror and take a picture. He'll watch for it.

That was Friday.

I still haven't done it.

A while back I stuck the words "Know what you want, and what you don't want" to my fridge. Remnants of a previous conversation with another deep soul.

Both of whom have taught me so much.

We have these people in our lives who speak truth...they tell it like it is...see things for what they are, see you for exactly who you are and have a way of carrying you out from underneath your delusions, setting you down on the floor, looking you right in the eyes through to your soul and ripping your very heart out with their words. It only hurts because it's real. They know it, and deep down you know it. Even if you won't admit it to yourself.

Which is exactly where I am. I can admit to that. But not to the rest.

The thing is, I know what I want. But what I want, doesn't want me.

My past is a series of choices that may have led me up to where I am today, and yes, for that I am grateful...but it took me further away from the part of my life that meant more to me than anything else and by the time I realized, it was too late. It is a hard truth to carry. I am being honest with myself when I acknowledge that this is the biggest regret of my life. So big, that I can finally admit that I was so blind to even think that I deserve anything more than what I got.




“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

“But I wish me and David could —“

He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”


Go get what you want.

First step, know what you want and what you don't want.

And so the work begins...

Close, but no cigar

"I'm leaving you."

He doesn't know yet. He's gone for the weekend, camping. I'm sorting memories and things: things to keep, things to leave. So many, things. The stereo soothes. Music gets me through...fills the spaces...sparks the soul, letting me know that yes, I am still alive in there.

It's been a long time coming...but we have arrived. We can go no further. I can stay no longer. The decision has been made. Sealed in the heart...

Things are happening faster than I had imagined. Last night, I found (with a little help from my friends♥) an apartment downtown... Available October 1. We did a walkthrough, spoke with the landlord and I am returning tonight to fill out an application.

I am scared out of my mind. Where is my mind? I am dreading the conversation upon his return. Even more so now, as he told me today before he left that his boss was talking about laying him off next week. Though it's not for certain, it still makes me feel like that much more of an ass.

My heart is racing.

My lungs are shrieking.

My cat is shedding.

Valium... Gin... A big fat Cuban... Oh the endlessly tempting options at hand...

You have to consider everyday happens only once. You must not waste a single one. There will come a time when you will want more time so make sure you spend wisely. ~ BP

Roots In A Tree

'You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose.'

I've been exploring my family of origin, going back to my roots in hopes of reconcilling some of the issues that are holding me back at this very point in my life. Anxiety, depression, anger, fear and recurrent relationship problems are often a result of unresolved issues from the past. This is not a new concept, but it certainly feels new when you explore it from a very personal angle. When you face it head on and demand to yourself that you make an attempt to resolve it, rather than pushing it aside and ignoring it as you have done thus far. It is easy to remain in that 'safe place' of delusion and denial. But I'm tired of being there, being stuck and in a constant haze.

I can definitely say I've grown immensely over the past few years, especially having 'left the family' and branched out on my own...moving to another province altogether and having to rely mostly on myself to meet my own needs. I still struggle with getting my needs met, or should I say meeting them. I'm not the most reliable person to myself. I'm further along from where I've come from, but not as far as I'd like to go. Obviously this is an ongoing endeavor. A lifetime of exploring, growing and discovery of the self. This should never cease.


I read this quote recently and it's kind of stuck with me: "Emotions are energies in motion. If they are not expressed, the energy is repressed. As energy, it has to go somewhere. Without our emotions we can't know where we are with our basic needs. Without our basic needs we cannot live as functional human beings. To deny our emotions is to deny the ground and vital energy of our life."

These repressed energies are a dark blanket of death on our souls. They eat away at our very heart, killing us slowly. You can try to ignore them, but they won't go away. The only solution is to fill their place with something brighter. Let the light in. And I'm not talking God here, though if that's what works for you by all means.

Healthy families allow for the expression of emotion. Dysfunctional families squash them. We develop survival behaviors in response to stressors - which can be in the form of an addiction (alcoholism, drug addictions, violence, abuse, rage, work addictions, etc) or things such as a divorce or death in the family. Each member of the family adapts to or attempts to control the stressor. The fight or flight scenario. Survival (denial, dissociation, repression, withdrawal, anger, reactions, reenacting behaviors or acting out, etc) often becomes the norm. And these patterns continue throughout life. Back then they were protective, now they are destructive.

Our families have a huge impact on who we become. However, we are constantly becoming and we don't have to be stuck in the same damaging cycles. We can change.

There is a ton of good information out there, some of which is very interesting...on the family system as a whole, what we learn as children and carry into our adult years, and of course the power of the mind.

The Equivocal Woman

last night, fear.
dark, dull pulse
barely beating

i am a coward

who cannot open her eyes
who cannot see
who cannot face
who cannot overcome

my heart
is building
a stone wall
to keep you
Out.

Winnipeg

Yet another sleepless night. My mind was loco. Thoughts in the dark. I keep myself up. Out of nowhere I thought of Winnipeg.

It was June, I was 21 and having been as far East as the Alberta-Saskachewan border, excited to be venturing out, looking out a window on a nearly deserted plane. I was on my way to a leadership development course through the Centre for Christian Studies at the University of Winnipeg (for at that time I was highly involved in the music and youth activities at 'my mother's church').

This indie guy behind me struck up conversation as we gathered luggage from overhead compartments. We walked and laughed by the baggage carousel and his name was Cory.

I was arriving. He was arriving home. I had no idea where I was going. He knew the town like the back of his hand. He suggested we share a cab. I considered my options. It was a short long ride and at the end he offered his number. Said to call, he'd show me around. I did.

We met for an early dinner. He was a traveller, been all around the world and met people of all kinds. An interesting and cultured fellow. I was a wide-eyed girl from a big city. We drank some beer and wandered the streets of downtown, heritage Winnipeg. Past the parliament across the bridge. Admiring buildings. Stopping for coconut Gelato. Playing trivial pursuit with one another's history and budding philosophies. He was a few years older. But not by much. He walked me back to the entrance of my building where we shared an embrace and continued on. Mother-like figures awaited, worried but relieved.

We met again. He introduced me to his sister, in their home. We walked and talked and laughed some more. Chilled to the sounds of an ecclectic funk band with a female singer. Downed coke and rye and were consumed by giddiness. Pure and innocent fun between two souls who became fast friends for two weeks. We said we'd keep in touch. But, like others, ours had come to its end... full circle. And we moved on.

I met others during my time in Winnipeg... where I spread my wings and investigated my faith amongst a memorable group of coloured characters, a very liberal and feminist group of mostly women, a gay dude and a transvestite, where we challenged biblical patriarchy and partook in the gay pride parade and festivities. Few of us stayed in touch over the years... getting together for coffee and music, and writing emails. I learned of the suicide of one and wondered what went wrong, though we will never know. Gradually, we have all lost touch with each other. But have perhaps found more of ourselves along the way. These are some of the people that influence our lives, that challenge our views and give us more insight into life than we could ever hope to find by ourselves. People we share only a brief span of time with, but their memories and influence last a lifetime, if only just to remember here and there along the way.

For them, I'm grateful.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope." Gigi

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,



And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.



I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

The Past & Present Mingle

You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don't. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly...Rumi.

Confidence. This is the word I chose to guide me through this year. To keep in mind. To work on. The word of the year. Words are powerful. "Actions speak louder than words." Someone♥ once said this to me. Truer words were never spoken. I know this...boy, do I know. I also know that confidence is an action word.

I'm not just going to "get" confidence. I wish it were that easy. Like plucking stars from the midnight sky. The confidence I have "gotten" has been through hard work, experience and time. And believe me, I've got a lot of getting to do, that will take more than a year. Many years in fact. But it's a start. The focus being on the journey, not the destination.

I drove down to Courtenay last weekend to reconnect with an old friend and had not been yet, so it was an adventure in navigation. A navigation in heart as well. It was incredibly rejuvenating & insightful. To just follow the road and get lost in thought. Music my only companion. Awake and dreaming. One of my favourite things to do.

Having some time to kill before her concert, I wandered the shops downtown & found myself at the Zocalo cafe, sipping on tea & listening to live Jazz music. Pure bliss.

I must say, I enjoyed my company. I'm enjoying a lot of it these days and I do believe it is important to spend time with yourself, alone; without the distraction of every day life.

I've been delving into the past a little bit in hopes of finding some answers on how I've ended up where I am today. The good, the bad and the ugly. This isn't the 'be all end all', but it does provide some insight. What got me thinking about it, was an old report card of mine I found while going through my desk. Dear old Mr. Yardley. You weren't my favourite teacher of all time, but Grade 6 was fun. I did love playing Capture the Flag.

"Kerstin loves to get lost in a book, a quality to be greatly admired. Occasionally, these literary reveries could be better timed."

"Kerstin needs to listen better in class time."

"I continue to urge Kerstin to seek guidance when she is unclear of what to do. Of course, listening better the first time would also help."

"She certainly enjoys the company of her classmates, occasionally to excess. Determining when and how to have fun is what Kerstin is working on learning."

"Kerstin's teasing occasionally goes too far. She needs to learn when to stop."

"I was disappointed to notice the return of off task mind wandering. It would be nice to have more of Kerstin's attention."

"She seems to be spreading her wings."

I seem to have been quite the little space cadet. But what I find most hilarious, is that to this day I am still just this silly little girl...lost in the clouds, in her own little world. Making up alternate realities, or finding one in a book, a movie, a lackluster love - remnant of a sick pattern. To escape what is, what was, what will be. To escape her fears, her insecurities, her heartaches, her pain.

Something is lacking here.

However, the future looks bright.

"Mine is the night with all her stars..."

To The Batcave!

Cham-pi-on. Pronunciation [cham-pee-uhn] –noun
1. a person who has defeated all opponents in a competition so as to hold first place:
2. a person who fights for or defends any person or cause: a champion of the oppressed.
3. a fighter or warrior.

I have been thinking about a conversation I had a while back with the Magic Man, one of the most positive, stable, fearless great souls I know. He is my rock. We haven’t spoken in what seems like ages, but his words of wisdom appear like magical comedic bursts of strength before my eyes when I am up against my adversaries: negativity (Pow!), indecisiveness (Wham!), low confidence (Bam!), fear (Ka-Pow!), and on and on.

The battle is not yet won, but it is one worth fighting.

We were discussing life and other topics that seem to ravage the brain, like men, and part of the advice he gave was that you need to find someone “Strong enough to be your Champion.” Simple as that. (But there he goes telling a woman who tends to overcomplicate everything!)

I pondered his advice for a long while.

What I eventually realized is what if I don’t find what I am looking for? What if I spend all this time searching for something that may not magically appear in my life? I am not a magician; I can’t just make that kind of thing happen. It’s outside of my control. It would all be a ridiculous game of waiting, and hoping, wishing and wanting. Blah! I am a dreamer (though I'm not the only one), but I must draw the line somewhere.

So the solution is, that I will find within me that someone “strong enough to be my Champion.” I will be my own champion. I will champion the cause, which is my life. I will defeat all of my opponents. I am a fighter AND a fierce warrior. Some strengths are stronger than others, but it all comes from within. If I’ve gotten this far, I can go farther.


I like what Arnold♥ said on becoming a champion:“The only way to be a champion is by going through these forced reps and the torture and pain. That’s why I call it the torture routine. Because it’s like forced torture. Torturing my body. What helps me is to think of this pain as pleasure. Pain makes me grow. Growing is what I want. Therefore, for me pain is pleasure. And so when I am experiencing pain I’m in heaven. It’s great. People suggest this is masochistic. But they’re wrong. I like pain for a particular reason. I don’t like needle’s stuck in my arm. But I do like the pain that is necessary to be a champion.”

That can be applied to real life.




The 12 Traits of Champions by Tom Venuto. Google will show you the way to the full version, but in semi-short:

(1) Champions are positive thinkers; they believe in themselves.
Undoubtedly the most important quality that all champions share is an unwavering belief that they will succeed. Champions always look for the good in every situation. No matter what obstacles they encounter, they always continue to think positive. Without confidence, faith in your abilities, and positive mental attitude, you’ve defeated yourself before you ever step onstage.

(2) Champions visualize their successes.
Champions understand the importance of positive mental imagery or visualization. They do this over and over in their minds hundreds or even thousands of times before it becomes physical reality.

(3) Champions surround themselves with positive people and avoid negative influences.
Champions keep themselves in a "positive shell" and do not associate with negative people, places, or things.

(4) Champions are goal setters.
Champions realize that if they don’t know where they’re going, that is exactly where they’ll end up; nowhere! Champions consistently set long and short-term goals. From day to day workout goals to long term career objectives, champion’s have written out specific, measurable goals with a deadline.

(5) Champions have a burning desire to succeed.
Champions not only have goals, but they ardently desire them. They want it and they want it badly.

(6) Champions are disciplined and consistent.
Champions live and breathe the lifestyle all year round. They know there is no off-season and success does not come overnight.

(7) Champions are persistent.
Champions never, ever quit. They know that if they persist long enough, eventually they must succeed.

(8) Champions learn from their failures.
Champions don't view losses as failures, they see them as learning experiences. Champions know that they haven’t failed until they quit; but once they quit, then they have failed. A champion finds a lesson in every apparent loss and finds ways to grow from it.

(9) Champions have incredible powers of focus and concentration.
Champions set goals and then maintain a laser-like focus on them. They have the ability to always keep the long term objective in their sights while focusing 100% on what they are doing at the moment.

(10) Champions have a deep love and boundless enthusiasm for the sport.
To a loser, training and dieting is work and drudgery. To a champion, training and dieting are a love, a joy, and a passion. Champions are enthusiastic about what they do; they can’t wait to train each day. Champions are doing what they love, so to them it’s not work at all, its fun!

(11) Champions strive for constant and never ending improvement.
Champions are never satisfied with the status quo; they never rest on their laurels. Champions aim for small improvements every day in every way. Champions are open-minded and are always looking for a better way to do things. Although champions are always striving for more, they also realize that success is a journey, so they enjoy each moment and savor every step along the way.

(12) Champions are hard workers; they are willing to go the extra mile.
Positive thinking, goal setting, visualization, desire, persistence, and enthusiasm are vital, but without action and hard work, these traits are all worthless. Champions take consistent action and they are willing to do the things that the losers are not. In short, they go the extra mile.

It seemed like a good idea...

What IT is, I'm not entirely sure...but one of the greatest authors of our time once wrote:

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death"

Anaïs Nin was a wise woman; a source of inspiration.

As far as states go... I have elected to remain in my current state. For as long as I can anyway. It is one of Growth. Realization. Self-Awareness. Hope.

It's taken many years to get here. But I'm not going back. I'm moving forward. Moving on.

Becoming...