Turbans, Fezzes, Plaids, Bones & Flesh

"Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning.

Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days.

When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court."

~ Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings.

Forgive Me For Laughing

Well what an interesting way to start the day! Long lost 'sisters in christ', whom I've never even met or heard of, are moving out to the island and hunting me down! What do I have to do, move to Venus?

1. I'm a bit curious as to what on earth the aforementioned ladies in Edmonton would be talking about these past few years. I must have my picture on a wall under a big sign that says: "Fallen Members Non-Members"...."The Evil-Doers"..."The Devil's Children"... "These Lost Sheep Must Be Found"..."Do Not Talk To These Sinners, Pray For Them Instead!"..."They Once Were Saved, But Now Must Be Found!"...

2. Which one of you quacks are giving out my number? Call display. 'Nuff said.

3. How very interesting indeed. Interesting that you would say it's interesting to see my name on Facebook when clearly both my sisters...who by the way have no recollection of meeting you or giving you my number, so you must have meant my other sister (in christ) ...are on it AND now that I think about it... a bunch of people from that very same circle as well. Which raises the question...

4. Should I, or shouldn't I remove all contacts from said "holier-than-thou, hypocritical, backward-thinkin' patriarchal nonsense of a fundamentalistic cult?" when most, if not all, are people I have shared many deep conversations, much laughter, joy and a part of my life which has led me to be the person I am today. And who I really did consider to be genuine 'friends' of the more liberal sort, in this case. Not "that other type". Tough call. Because at the same time, I wonder if these so-called friendships are conditional... the remaining fragment of a hope that I will eventually find my way back to 'the light'. If that is the case, then what on earth is the point? And what about the idea of surrounding yourself with positive people who love, uplift, inspire, support, encourage and motivate you to be a better person? No hidden agendas. No gossiping about what somebody is doing "wrong"... what are they doing right?

Now that I've had my little rant, and some time to think about it...I have come to the realization that this person who contacted me through facebook is only doing what she believes is right. I believe it is from the heart. A naive and perhaps a lost-a-bit-herself kind of heart but still, a heart. I can appreciate where it is coming from because once upon a time, I was there myself.

But I finally saw the light.

Jesus Goes To The Porn Convention

Good Lord. I've sinned AGAIN! Well by the time I finish this post I will have. Don't worry, I've got confession tomorrow.

I've been biting my tongue on this one for a while, but it keeps rearing its head and I have a disorder. It's called 'Being unable to shut up when it comes to matters involving religion in which one finds amusing, confusing and/or sillynosis'. Any Christian man or woman who is engaging in sexual immorality of any kind is a person in conflict. Are you in conflict? XXXChurch is here to help!

Founded in 2002 by Craig Gross (who according to the website, Gross & the xxxchurch believe what Billy Graham believes- which I find a bit curious, as wouldn't "most Christians" say something along the lines of what God teaches, or what the Bible says, right off the bat? Isn't God the focus? Anyway, minor detail. The Great Billy Graham beliefs can be found here), XXXChurch is "designed to bring awareness, openness and accountability to those affected by pornography".


So what this means, is a team of Jesus-lovin' individuals will show up at your next porn event - such as the Vancouver Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show, handing out bibles and spreading the good news that Jesus loves them no matter what their involvement in porn, to help those addicted and offer advice to those who are merely tempted. Because we all know, watching porn here and there, livening up your sex life with some toys or whatnots, or heaven-forbid fantasizing while you masterbate is going to lead to a full blown addiction, or better yet, a trip to hell.


Don't get me wrong, I think this whole idea of an outreach for individuals who are indeed struggling is okay, but what the hell, why not set your booth up outside the doors, and mingle with the rest of the church folk, where you're not infringing on the rights of porn-friendly people, and you can feel safe knowing your eyes will not wander to the scantily clad bimbo's booty as she passes by (a sin!) or ponder the use of a rainbow dildo on display at the next booth over (a sin!)... I mean really...

This is a billion dollar industry, world-wide. It's not going anywhere. Sure, maybe you need to secure your computer so your 12 year old isn't watching it, and seek counselling if you're spending all day in front of the screen or the credit card company is after you to pay back the money you spent renting every movie at the adult video store. And yeah, if you are a woman tired of being degraded and trying to get out of the industry, by all means contact this church.

But it is what it is.

Some people like sex, others like sex toys, and some even like sex with the same sex.. (sin! sin! sin!) Some people like tattoos, which according to various religious groups is basically a sin and often results in a quote from Leviticus: "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos." So is there a TattooChurch out there somewhere, sending out their drones for the tattoo and body art conventions?

I just say let people be people.

Craig Gross takes on Ron Jeremy in the Great Porn Debate (more vids under xxxchurch)

Jesus goes to the porn convention! (the absurdity of it all)

Sex With Ducks

So if you haven't checked out this fab duo yet, Garfunkel and Oates, here is a little sneak peek... They are hilarious.

This is a satirical response to a televangelist(aka crazy religious nut)'s quote on the legalization of gay marriage...

This Shit is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...

Apparently I think Facebook was invented by a bunch of apes, because I happened to speak my point of view (I know eh, what was I thinking?!) in response to a biblical interpretation note...which may or may not have been, at least partially, influenced by an earlier status I had posted up there: "Jesus called, he wants his religion back". It was on a bumper sticker and c'mon now, tell me that isn't funny. I guess I have a sick sense of humour. Surprise, surprise.

Anyways, this note was all about interpreting people's status's, how people may read into it and completely miss what the person is actually referring to. She went on to reference the holy biblical book himself, and how we all interpret it differently. But really, the biblical authors had "one purpose in what they wrote, and no matter what I think about it, their purpose won't change". No matter what one may think. Hmm. Think being the keyword here.

I'm sorry but I just could not resist this temptation. (I'm a Sinner!) So I threw my few cents "out there". It wasn't an insult, more a point of view - you know, there are more than one of those these days. And hey, I like to spur on religious discussion once in a while because I actually do find it interesting. Just let's converse about it on a respectable level. Maybe I need to work on this, so I don't go ruffling your shiny feathers. Maybe not.

Whatever.

I've had more than my share of force-fed religion and I'm full. I can't help it anymore. I cannot, for the life of me, listen in silence, dumbfounded, to your self-righteous, all-knowing, all-forseeing nonsense, like the naive little girl I once was. Fear, guilt and manipulation does not do your religion justice. To hell with that noise.

I have a voice now and it's all mine.

I am finally free.

Well, at least getting there. It will be final when I can sit and read or hear your fantastical nonsense without my stomach doing catapults, when I can resist the urge to scream every profanity known to woman, when I no longer spew up into my mouth. It's still raw, all the damage you caused. But I am working on it. I am in control now. I will get there. In the meantime, expect to hear from me, because I will probably be throwing my few cents your way. And I will quite possibly, most likely enjoy it.

Sick, twisted. Call it what you will.

What Else Does The Bible Say, Je-Suz?

I was reading an article about Prop 8, and yesterday's court ruling...I know, I know - I'm Canadian, but it's a big world out there y'all. Besides, it's a planetwide issue. Think Canada's bill C-38. Lucky for some, that was on the opposite end of the spectrum. Anyways, it reminded me of this funny lil performance:



Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere...
Martin Luther King, Letter from Birmingham Jail, 1963