Shhhh...

Last evening, I just had to lie down. Intending on a quick-pick-me-up, I fell into the bed like nobody’s business almost salivating at the mere thought of it. I fluffed my thirty-five (for-the-price-of-eleven-good-deal-I-say-to-myself) dollar pillow, curled up comfortably wrapped, closed my eyes and took a deep breath… only to throw it out like unwanted take out… because low and behold the television was squealing at me from the other room. Damn. I grabbed the other pillow and slammed it over my head to drown out the noise pollution, only to find my mind rambling incessantly on, singin’ it’s songs… and I just could not turn it off. So long my beloved R&R.

Don’t you hate that?

Despite not actually sleeping, I did just lie there for a while so I think it did the trick, at least physically. But I was thinking about noise and sounds and the fact that every single moment of every single day lately, at least in my world, is taken up by some kind of background serenade or inner-babble (solve this, fix that, decide this, plan that) or awkward “fill-the-silence-with-bullshit-conversation-kind-of-moments” (you know, like that cashier who asks the same question to the same customers, expecting the same reply and getting the same question back and replying with the same answer)………and so on. I’m just not in the mood for it right now.

Even now, as I sit here by myself, without the usual distractions of television, music, talking… I still hear the perpetual hum of this refrigerator and the stomping overhead and the settling of these new walls and I am finding myself more and more irritated by it all, and I still cannot stop this mind from its ranting. At work, at home, outside, inside……….

I have come to the realization that I need some peace and quiet…and soon. I need to evict some skeletons, finish some projects; just clear out some head space, take a step back, shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share the silence. I am longing for it, yearning for it, ready to sell my soul for it. I’m ready for it! Bring it!