Friday, January 1, 2010

I'm A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One

So a new year has begun, again. As I drink some more Baileys, I tell myself I'd come up with a few resolutions. I tell myself all sorts of things. Yes, I want to create more art and music, and get healthier and wiser and do all the same things I want to do every year. They are just part of the lifetime to do list. Still it's kind of exciting turning the page into a new year. A new year with unforseen adventures and possibilities. And blah blah blah.

I'm focused on making it feel more like home here on this beautiful rainy island. It might not be my home for life, but its my home for life right now. I want to come home to a place I adore. A place that feels real and all homely and cozy. I want to have kindred spirits over and cook turkeys and pour wine and laugh and dance. I am keeping a lookout for a larger space in a more central location...but will know when the time is right. I know that you cannot live in the past, and I know for sure that you cannot live in two provinces at once. You can visit, but you need a place where you can call your own. I am tired of being torn in half and not certain of where I stand. So this is my promise to myself to get off the fence. That fence is poking me in the ass. I will land on solid ground. On my own two big feet.

I am watching The Family Man right now. It's an oldie but goodie. The man who gets a glimpse into what his life would have been like, if he had made a different choice. And a look into the things that really matter. It's kind of sad really. But at least, in the end he was able to make another choice and change his future. I wonder if things could really be that simple. Some things are I suppose, if we can see it.

I wonder if I really would have made different choices. Alright, a few. Mostly who would I be now? But more importantly, I wonder what kind of choices I will make. How do you know what the right choice is? What will I choose? What will you choose?

Choices are to be made. They will define the future. And the future looks bright.

The future is not some mediocre existence where we are settling for each other because it's easy or because it's too much work to do something different. And we're too afraid to do anything about it. It's a future where we will decide to live our best life. And if we do choose to be with someone, it will be with someone who makes us a better person. Someone who pushes us to grow, to change, to explore, to love, to sacrifice without sacrificing who we are, to understand and to live. Someone "strong enough to be our champion" someone wise I know once put it. Thank the sun and the moon for putting incredible people in our paths. All of them.

What will I do? Where will I be? Who will I be with? Will I marry? Will I have babies? Will they grow up to be successful and passionate about their own lives? Will I grow old with someone I adore, who adores me just the same? Or will I settle for someone I can tolerate, and vice versa? As so many people do these days. What kind of sick and twisted life would that be? No, it is not enough!

What will we do with our lives? With our 2010. 2011. 2012. Nothing changes but the number, unless we choose to change it. So I'm choosing to change it. To figure out what needs changing. What can stay, what can go. But that's about it really.

Oh yes, and my final resolution is to eat all the freaking chocolate I want when I want. Because this is my life and I'm choosing to not restrict myself to one of it's finest indulgences any more.

All within moderation, of course.


Mantramine said...

Bravo!!!!!! I'm giving you a standing O. That was beautiful and inspiring.

I think 2010 is all about the great bloom

Shinay said...

I second the standing ovation!

Martin said...