Winnipeg

Yet another sleepless night. My mind was loco. Thoughts in the dark. I keep myself up. Out of nowhere I thought of Winnipeg.

It was June, I was 21 and having been as far East as the Alberta-Saskachewan border, excited to be venturing out, looking out a window on a nearly deserted plane. I was on my way to a leadership development course through the Centre for Christian Studies at the University of Winnipeg (for at that time I was highly involved in the music and youth activities at 'my mother's church').

This indie guy behind me struck up conversation as we gathered luggage from overhead compartments. We walked and laughed by the baggage carousel and his name was Cory.

I was arriving. He was arriving home. I had no idea where I was going. He knew the town like the back of his hand. He suggested we share a cab. I considered my options. It was a short long ride and at the end he offered his number. Said to call, he'd show me around. I did.

We met for an early dinner. He was a traveller, been all around the world and met people of all kinds. An interesting and cultured fellow. I was a wide-eyed girl from a big city. We drank some beer and wandered the streets of downtown, heritage Winnipeg. Past the parliament across the bridge. Admiring buildings. Stopping for coconut Gelato. Playing trivial pursuit with one another's history and budding philosophies. He was a few years older. But not by much. He walked me back to the entrance of my building where we shared an embrace and continued on. Mother-like figures awaited, worried but relieved.

We met again. He introduced me to his sister, in their home. We walked and talked and laughed some more. Chilled to the sounds of an ecclectic funk band with a female singer. Downed coke and rye and were consumed by giddiness. Pure and innocent fun between two souls who became fast friends for two weeks. We said we'd keep in touch. But, like others, ours had come to its end... full circle. And we moved on.

I met others during my time in Winnipeg... where I spread my wings and investigated my faith amongst a memorable group of coloured characters, a very liberal and feminist group of mostly women, a gay dude and a transvestite, where we challenged biblical patriarchy and partook in the gay pride parade and festivities. Few of us stayed in touch over the years... getting together for coffee and music, and writing emails. I learned of the suicide of one and wondered what went wrong, though we will never know. Gradually, we have all lost touch with each other. But have perhaps found more of ourselves along the way. These are some of the people that influence our lives, that challenge our views and give us more insight into life than we could ever hope to find by ourselves. People we share only a brief span of time with, but their memories and influence last a lifetime, if only just to remember here and there along the way.

For them, I'm grateful.

Cops Gone Bad

Just because you wear a uniform and carry a gun...doesn't make this right. I mean, these guys weren't even resisting. It's a case of the asshole cop with something to prove. I hope there are consequences for your actions. This is no way to uphold the law. What a joke.

A-Bout

I drove down to Victoria yesterday to watch a roller derby bout and see my Grandma. The highway was a gong show and I'm not sure who lets these psychos out of the hospital. We had fish and chips at Fish on 5th in Sidney...

...which by the way has a teeny tiny parking lot. I overestimated my ability to squeeze into the end stall and try as I might just couldn't get in there! The food was awesome and it's a pretty happening place. When we left there was a line all the way to the street. We did some shopping along main street where I collided with a glass candle holder. Remarkably, it did not break and I apologized profusely for my clumsiness to the stern-faced cashier. Grams and I had a lovely time and she insisted on making dinner for us before I left for the bout, rather late and not knowing where in hell I was going. Having a map book is always a plus though and thankfully it wasn't too hard to find.

When I arrived, one minute to start time the line was miles long & the centre was jam packed. I didn't get in until 40 minutes later and it was standing room only by that time. Luckily, this hot chick (with a new haircut) on her way out for a smoke break spotted me and we zig zagged back to the seat she was supposed to save me which we stole from this guy's invisible friend. The bout was wicked, the Eves of Destruction kicked the Riot Girls asses and all I can say is I cannot wait to get my skates back on.

Hive Goth My Mind Made Up, You Goat Maya Art Uno

This is quirky fun.

Law of Attraction: Small Book, Big Ideas

The science of attracting more of what you want, and less of what you don't want... I've heard a lot about this book, "The Law of Attraction," so I decided to steal it from the library and read it. It's a quick read and actually I ended up flipping through the last half because it's a bit corny overall. Yes, there I said it.

I did like the overall concept, and I mean this is what we've got to do isn't it... look at the actual message, the bigger picture and how it can be applied to real life. You take the good with the bad. On with the good.

The biggest question to ask is "What do I want?" It all comes down to this question. Once you figure this out, everything falls into place (with a little work here and there I might add). Once you figure it out, you can focus your attention on it.... you can "allow" it to happen in your life. Basically, you attract into your life whatever you think about. It works along the lines of energy. Positive vs negative energy or vibes. Like one big magnet of attraction.

It doesn't go into much detail on the "science behind it all" - and that I think would be interesting to investigate. But there is truth in the idea of energy and the power of the brain.

The idea of constrast comes into play - the things you don't like, don't want, doesn't 'feel good' or causes you to be in a negative mood. If you are focusing on these things, giving it attention you will end up getting more of the same. So by looking at this kind of thing, the "contrast" in your life, you can turn it into clarity. The "clarity through contrast" process. List the things you don't like and turn them into things you do like, or would like in the future. For example, looking back on past relationships, I would be tempted to say "I don't want someone who is angry." The focus being on the don't want, rather than the do want. "I do want someone who is positive and strives to control his/her emotions." And this, is what I would focus on attracting.

It book also talks about doubt, and limiting beliefs. We all have them. The reasons we "can't" do something. I'd like to do this, but I can't because of that. Well throw that junk out of your head and ALLOW it. Think of reasons why you could. (I'm sure there's a quote about that kicking around out there somewhere, focusing on why you can instead of can't do something...)

None of the ideas in the book are really anything "new" but it's all about where you focus your thoughts and energy... manifesting what you actually want, instead of the patterns and cycles of what you don't want...but keep getting. The mind is a powerful thing, so yes, I believe this could and actually does work, to the extent that we allow it, and contribute to its success.

"Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. It is your responsibility to make sure that positive emotions constitute the dominating influence of your mind." ~ Napolean Hill

So, what do you want?

What and How

"It's not what you say, but how you say it."

That's what I was told today, after having inquired about the most important thing you have learned so far. She, the learned... being a colleague of mine. Interesting timing, I must say.

I love these kinds of questions. But most of all I love the answers. They are the answers which inspire you to act, rather than react. Though you never can replace the ACTUAL experience of it all no matter how tough it may be sometimes, in this thing called life and living there is solace in words, in wisdom.

We can gain so much from the experience of others...the value of lives lived and currently being lived.



What we gain, is owned by each of us. In whatever way fits. And sometimes, the wisdom doesn't make sense until later. I find it comforting to have these tidbits along the way to reflect upon, to use somehow. Life is only what you make it.

What is important, matters. Words, matter. What you do with words, matters more. It's not what you say, but how you say it.

What we say is more than just words. Everything comes into play. Our underlying emotions, gestures, body language, expressions, what we stress, our tone, the sheer volume or lack thereof, the cues we give to what's really going on. We take into account the listener. I know I've struggle with this aspect of it... finding "the right words" - trying to word things so they don't come off the wrong way...... sometimes this is bloody impossible and I say things I regret later, though they are often things that need to be said - it's just the way I say them that is damaging.

On the other hand, and this is more often the case, I refrain from saying things I wish I would say because I don't want to hurt the person on the other end, put a dent in or risk a friendship, or I start to doubt the validity of my own thoughts and needs. In the end I only end up hurting myself. It's insecurity. Fear. Lack of confidence. Easy to name, hard to overcome. I really feel that this is one of my biggest barriers sometimes.

I just wish I had the answer. I wish I knew how to put the answers into action.

Love Made Visible

Deconstruction Period

Red Carnation

The Amber Woods

Rose

Fire Tower

Scintillating Venuses

Rose Zephyr

Hot Artist With Paint Brush

"Artwork is love made visible" - Kris Lewis

Visit his site for more of his work

OH YEA!

Because we just need to see this one again:



Inspired by Martin @ This Rugged Life

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope." Gigi

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,



And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.



I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson