Monday, March 8, 2010

What and How

"It's not what you say, but how you say it."

That's what I was told today, after having inquired about the most important thing you have learned so far. She, the learned... being a colleague of mine. Interesting timing, I must say.

I love these kinds of questions. But most of all I love the answers. They are the answers which inspire you to act, rather than react. Though you never can replace the ACTUAL experience of it all no matter how tough it may be sometimes, in this thing called life and living there is solace in words, in wisdom.

We can gain so much from the experience of others...the value of lives lived and currently being lived.

What we gain, is owned by each of us. In whatever way fits. And sometimes, the wisdom doesn't make sense until later. I find it comforting to have these tidbits along the way to reflect upon, to use somehow. Life is only what you make it.

What is important, matters. Words, matter. What you do with words, matters more. It's not what you say, but how you say it.

What we say is more than just words. Everything comes into play. Our underlying emotions, gestures, body language, expressions, what we stress, our tone, the sheer volume or lack thereof, the cues we give to what's really going on. We take into account the listener. I know I've struggle with this aspect of it... finding "the right words" - trying to word things so they don't come off the wrong way...... sometimes this is bloody impossible and I say things I regret later, though they are often things that need to be said - it's just the way I say them that is damaging.

On the other hand, and this is more often the case, I refrain from saying things I wish I would say because I don't want to hurt the person on the other end, put a dent in or risk a friendship, or I start to doubt the validity of my own thoughts and needs. In the end I only end up hurting myself. It's insecurity. Fear. Lack of confidence. Easy to name, hard to overcome. I really feel that this is one of my biggest barriers sometimes.

I just wish I had the answer. I wish I knew how to put the answers into action.

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