Tuesday, October 25, 2011

There is a Silence

“In a rabbit-fear I may hurl myself under the wheels of the car because the lights terrify me, and under the dark blind death of wheels I will be safe. I am very tired, very banal, very confused. I do not know who I am tonight. I wanted to walk until I dropped and not complete the inevitable circle of coming home.” ~ Sylvia Plath

The city is full of noise, but it is drowned out by the deafening silence within. I am uncertain as to what I am doing here or why. It is a familiar place, these streets I have known, though I am unsure if this feels like home. The people I know have their lives and why should my being here change anything. I am living in three different places; my belongings strewn about everywhere. An unsettling tension lingers. Lost. Alone. Unsure of everything. I have no idea what the future holds or where I should be. The initial excitement of being somewhere I belong has subsided. The adrenaline has worn off. Emotions have surfaced. The emotions of the past three months have let loose their fury and I am at their mercy.

The choices I have made are mine alone and I wonder if they are the right ones. For one I am certain, the rest... have yet to unfold.

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