Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dear Anaïs Nin

I have never felt more alone in all my life. I cannot sleep. I cannot breathe. If you were alive, I would run to you right now. Even if I had to walk every step of the way, I would travel straight, the miles and miles to find you; to seek solace in your words, your depth, your insight. You would be the one to convince me that everything will be alright. We would drink tea and drown sorrow and throw our dreams into space like a kite. Woman to woman...

"I am the most tired woman in the world. I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don't say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you."

3 comments:

Ashlie said...

beautiful.

Ashlie said...

and by beautiful i hope you know i didn't mean you being upset was beautiful, but the way you wrote about it and of course, anais nin.

Trouble.Thinks said...

thanks Ashlie :)